Changing

As I was teaching my students, I realized how much i've changed over the past few months. Working, studying and managing personal stuff at the same time. I tried to recall the last time that I felt like I had changed this much in a short duration. Only in my second year did I really change. Its been pretty much stagnant or a pretty similar version of mine since then. This led me to believe in the concept of change cycles. A new environment, a new experience and the need for adaptability can cause change. Its probably one of the most uncertain phases of a person's life - the state of being in the process of change. Your life's actions dont have a fixed direction, or a sense of purpose. Its not a road, but a series of steep turns which determine your final destination. If you have that direction and road demarcated then its all good. But if you're like me - wanting to do everything you can, not missing out on any of life's experiences, then its scary. All you can do IS move forward, be exhilarated by the good stuff and sack UP and take the bad stuff in your stride. Overthinking, or examining the consequences of each and every little action and decision is fatal. Cause you have no way of determining what lies beyond those steep turns. Also not looking back helps. What is done, is done. The concept of a tautological redundancy in most arguments might be there - that if you dont do it, you never will know it, SO THAT'S THE ATTITUDE U GOTTA TAKE.


A lotta people have got a general plan in mind of what they wanna do in their life. For some its earning a massive pile of money, for others its being the best they can be in their field of choice, for some others its also building and maintaining relationships with people...basically emotional satisfaction...and for some its a desire to leave a mark or an imprint on their generation. But all these goals, ambitions are not quantifiable, not measureable...achieving them is the journey, thats the pursuit. And unlike the movie, its not a pursuit for happiness, its a pursuit for identity, a place in the world and a sense of purpose.


Coming back to the point of change cycles, i really believe that there are 2 ways to interpreting, predetrmining or accepting them. Firstly, if you understand that you're changing, you can lead it into a certain direction, direct your focus and energies to change into the person you DESIRE TO BE. Secondly, if you dont recognize the change then you can just go with the flow and one day realize that ur a totally new person. Now you just gotta accept that. This is what happens with most people. Im not saying its bad or wrong, cause going where the wind blows you is a BIG EXPERIENCE in life. The third one is predicting the change cycle....knowing that it'll occur. This is bound to happen only if you've experienced the change cycle before and know the pointers which lead down the road of change.


Lastly, i'd also like to try and quantify the difference between evolution and change. The best i could come up with was that a series of change cycles lead to evolution....the betterment of all characteristics of a person...the tools to survive and make the most out of the wild (metaphorically speaking).....an improvement on previous versions of the same individual....a VERSION 2.0 if you will.


As such their wasnt a specific reason for this post...just a way of venting stuff out....lol...forming crazy theories in my head.

STUMPED

Cricket’s a word that no one’s happy to hear,
Nowadays the supporters only curse and jeer,
It doesn’t matter if it’s Australia or Zimbabwe,
The Men in Blue just keep on losing day after day.

Vision 2007, the Board had proudly proclaimed,
We’ll bring home the Cup, all our rivals outplayed,
But in this reverie, one thing Mr. Pawar easily forgot,
He’s hired a man, who of coaching knows naught.

Respected Sir Dear Mr. Greg Chappell,
Two years back, we’d actually listened to his babble,
But now we realize, he’s not much of a thinker,
After all, this is a guy who showed us the middle finger.

Why was captain Dada sacked, most could not understand,
Just when taking off your shirts was becoming a fad,
The damage this caused was too hard to curtail,
Chappell again committed a blunder, an explosive e-mail.

Apart from Dear Old Greg, players are to be blamed,
They spent all their time getting their portfolios made,
Jammie’s ads with Kissan bottles were ruling the roost,
Even more than Sachin, who spent all his time drinking Boost.

Dhoni was spending all this time, caressing his locks,
And Saif and Kaif were eating up Lays box after box,
In the paper we saw Yuvi, Bhajji and Zaheer,
Doing the ramp walk, rather than their bowling routines.

But lets now pause, and for a second wonder,
This same team played a World Cup final in the days of yonder,
What happened to these heroes of the past, only guess we can,
One thing we all know, we wish we had the Wright man.

Cricket’s our religion, it’s impossible to convert,
We’ll make our voices heard, the team’s fortune we’ll invert,
Forget about the debacle in the West Indies,
This is our team, believe in their past victories.

So please Mr. Pawar, the nation wants this from you,
A distinguished team and man in charge to look up to,
Because we’re Indians and this is our number 1 game,
Take the team to great glory, success and fame.

INTROSPECTION

I’m living two lives, on the inside and the outside
Above me, I can see the pathway to golden pride
But beneath me, lies a consuming incessant restlessness
The desire to know my desires is too hard to suppress

I question myself everyday, what I’m doing and why
Frustration and angst fill me, but somehow I gotta try
To curb this revolution, to stop the introspect
Cause I know what I have, could be the only chance I’ll get

The pursuit of satisfaction
Or the life I’ve made
Disturbing distressing emotion
Or a life in the shade
The need to be my own person
Or what people need me to be
Whatever the answer, when I’m done
I know that it’ll set me free

The journey of exploration, a perturbing desire to change
If I try harder, the dream can be my life so strange
This dilemma consumes me completely, need to break out
The more and more I think, more I’m shrouded in self-doubt

I’m analyzing and introspecting, a bolt hits me out of the blue
What if I could decide my future, would be too surreal to be true
We all crave that power, but who wields it we’ll never know
Finally I realize, what I wanna reap I need to sow

The pursuit of satisfaction
Or the life I’ve made
Disturbing distressing emotion
Or a life in the shade
The need to be my own person
Or what people need me to be
Whatever the answer, when I’m done
I know that it’ll set me free

I need to put insecurity, anguish, despair and fear to one side
Forget what I need to be, forget my insides as if they’ve died
I’ll just explore and be patient till I become what I be
But I’m sure of this, the answer is lurking somewhere within me